Perseverance

If you read alot of self improvement books or follow any podcasts. A main topic of conversation is how to achieve success.

I dropped out of high school my junior year. I was a typical student. I played sports. B average Student. I’m sure if I payed attention more and applied myself I would have gotten into a decent college.

My parents weren‘t to happy. We went to a private school, the graduation rate was 99.9 percent. I can see the wheels turning. You can imagine their great disappointment. They devoted their lives to public service and were highly respected in their fields so you can only imagine how nice I felt. =)

So. The damage control was I started taking classes at local our communty college, while my friends were on spring break and finishing their senior year. Good times.

Im not one that accepts change very gracefully. I’ve learned that about myself. I don’t like change.

I‘ve also learned that most times the very thing that you don’t like the most or makes you feel uncomfortable, have true greatest most rewarding feeling. Every thing you want to achieve is on the opposite side of fear.

I’ll give you an example I modeled in a Manhattan in my early twenties and had a traumatic experience. It wasn’t dealt with properly. It affected my life and those around me. Including my children’s. It kept me from doing the the things I loved most in the world. It was like my air. It was socializing.

It took patience and a lot of hard work from those around me. But mostly myself. Recovering from something is hard. Physical therapy after a major surgery or accident takes work. Daily. Pyscological damage is a little bit more complex.

People see the syptoms but the traumas not there. It’s invisible to those around you. People forget. Including ourselves.

Twice this year I was presented with two things that I absolutely dreadedddd doing. Both included interacting with people. Crazy I know but I have PTSD and being in large groups of people sometimes overwhelms me. I get nervous. I get hot. I feel like there is a 300 lb. sumo wrestler sitting on my chest. I hate it. I also know its not real. It is though to you as its happening. You can’t control it. You know it’s not rational. And yet. There you are.

I spent a lot of time these past two years. I changed my thought process. Patterns. Habits. I volunteered more. Got out of myself. People say it’s hard to feel sorry for yourself and focus on your own problems when your helping other people. They’re right.

I excersized. Ate right. I stopped drinking and eating foods that werent really food. All natural. Nothing processed or from a box. I started to look at my food as medicine and started putting things into my mind that were positive. I slowly started to see the changes happening around me. My daily habits Changed. My thoughts changed. I slowly started to become a better version of myself. A person.

I read everyday and got outside everyday.

Slowly but surely. Things got better. I believe people Should feel comfortable in sharing. We should share. You never know if your experience might help another human being. So if anyone gets anything from this just know that we all go through stuff sometimes and that’s just it. It’s stuff.

I don’t believe that I am the reason that my life got better or I was able to deal with the things that life through at me. It was God. Thats my personal experience and what helped me most. I Included a list below of the books that I read last year. And the now new many podcasts that I will use to go from surivival to thriving.

Peace and love.

Cait

---